I have a voice and I am going to use it!

7 AM - the sunlight is just streaming through the curtains of Jane's bedroom window, a slight breeze gently blowing the curtains back and forth. As she slowly wakes, she begins to be aware of the chirping of song birds outside, urging her to begin her day. It's Saturday morning and she rolls over to see that her newlywed husband is already awake, staring lovingly at her as she wakes. She snuggles deeper into the blanket, somewhat shy that he was watching her sleep, and the thought briefly crosses her mind that her hair is probably messy and she hopes she wasn't drooling. Her face turns a pale shade of crimson at the embarrassment of the thought of someone seeing her in such a vulnerable state.

He looks at her as if she's the most amazing and beautiful woman to ever walk the planet, and his eyes light up as he reaches out to brush a piece of stray hair from her eyes. He leans in and plants a soft kiss on her forehead. "Good morning", he says in a low voice, pulling her into an embrace. "Morning", she replies. She doesn't want him to kiss her good morning before she's had the chance to brush her teeth, so she slips out of bed and plods off to the washroom, muttering about morning breath and adding over her shoulder, "I'll be right back!" He shakes his head and lays back down to doze, wondering why women seem to be so self-conscious about silly things like that.

Later that day, Jane meets up with her best friend, whom she's known since high school. Jane just turned 21, and her best friend, Mary, is also a newlywed. They both got married around the same time, helped each other plan their weddings, and their respective husbands get along well. They have agreed to meet for coffee and then spend the afternoon doing some leisurely shopping. As Jane approaches, she notices how Mary always appears so put together. Her hair and make-up are flawless, her clothes stylish but simple, and she always appears to be so confident. It's one of the many things that Jane admires so much about her best friend.

Mary pulls Jane into a hug, both of them squealing with delight at seeing each other. "I love your outfit!, says Jane. Is it new?" Mary replies flippantly about finding it in the back of her closet and the women carry on chatting casually. Later, in the clothing store, the two women try on various outfits. They do this often, using the other as a sounding board, judge, and jury about their fashion choices. The dynamic is always one of modest appreciation. The conversation goes a little something like this - pay close attention:

Mary: Oh, you are so pretty!
Jane: No, I'm not. You are! (said with mock flair)
Mary: Don't lie to me! You know you are! (equally as flamboyant, batting eyelashes)
Jane: I'm not as pretty as you. I wish you could give me some of YOUR good looks!
Mary: You know you're pretty. I wish I looked like you! Don't be silly. (insert sickeningly sweet crooning here)
Jane: Trust me. You are.
Mary: Aww, you're so sweet! (hugs and kisses, cue my gag reflex at such over the top antics!)

At that, the conversation is over and the two women continue their shopping. Neither woman has been anything but modest and kind to the other. Their friendship is solid and there is no major undertone of jealousy, as such. They are both respectively confident women, but did you notice that there seems to be a lack of positive self-talk or of positive relational talk between them? Why is this? Why do women compete, even when there is no need? Why do we feel the urge to go to extremes? We are either bitchy and catty with other women, OR we're overly sweet and undercut our own positive attributes in an attempt to flatter someone else. What is it about our society that has conditioned us against positive self-talk and healthy interactions with those of the same sex?

These interactions form the beginnings of a slow decline of the incredible amount of work and effort that women prior to our generation have done in order to gain us equality and women's rights! We're slowly moving backwards. There is a lot to be said for the "feminists" who valiantly went forth into the world and declared their empowering messages of self-confidence to women everywhere!! We are women! We are strong, confident, beautiful, intelligent, sexy, humorous, loving, compassionate, extraordinary women!! We should treat ourselves and other women as such!! We should NOT feel the need to put ourselves down in the name of being "humble" or "modest". We should NOT feel it necessary to covet and/or be jealous of the attributes of other women. Instead, we should be celebrating our uniqueness! We should be joyous that we can share comradeship with our female counterparts!

STOP!!!

Stop this now. Stop the madness. Stop the cycle of negative self-talk. Stop the self-consciousness that won't allow you to kiss your husband good morning before you've brushed your teeth or combed your hair. Chances are, he doesn't care! He just wants to kiss his wife good morning, and hold her close and enjoy his time with her before the day-to-day happenings of life steal that moment away. Stop... and see yourself for the beautiful person that you are. Love YOU. Before you love anyone else, LOVE YOU!

Be empowered! Take back what is rightfully yours - your self-confidence! Take it back from whom? From society, who has conditioned you to believe that loving yourself is "selfish" and "arrogant". Take it back from the religious organization who has conditioned you to believe that you should put others before yourself. Take it back from your sub-conscious self, which has conditioned you to believe that you only can see the ugly parts of you, the parts that need improvement. Take back your power!!!

I say, "I have a voice, and I am going to use it! I am beautiful, and I am going to show it! I am me, and I love ME!"