I'm not hiding, I'm transforming.

All my life, I've been the type to retreat into solitude periodically. Every few years (sometimes more, sometimes less), I feel the sudden urge to cast off my old self and retreat into a safe place within. A lot of work is happening inside my soul when I do this, and I have always come out of it again as a better person. I always emerge from my solitude wiser and different, yet somehow the same. I always have felt as if I've somehow changed and transformed, and have never regretted these times of solitude. Many in my past have tried to convince me that this solitude is unhealthy and damaging. Many have told me that I'm simply being "stubborn" or words to that effect. But the truth is, there was nothing that anyone else could do to help. I had to use that time to look inward and transform myself. It's akin to the journey of a caterpillar into a butterfly. Nobody else can help the caterpillar transform - it has to do that on its own. It relies on its instinct to know what to do.

When a caterpillar is ready to transform into a butterfly, it creates a safe barrier around itself and retreats into a world all its own. When it's time for the caterpillar to transform, it takes itself off to safe place to form a chrysalis that will protect it from the outside world while it undergoes the transformation. The caterpillar forms the chrysalis by shedding its skin one final time in preparation for its upcoming metamorphosis. What few people know, however, is that a caterpillar doesn't just grow wings to turn into a butterfly -- it is a literal transformation of the entire body structure. The whole body breaks itself down into tiny cells, similar to stem cells, and then put themselves back together again forming an entirely new body.

Think about this. Think about the process involved... An instinct tells the caterpillar that it is time to become an adult, to transform. Nature tells this tiny being that its old form is no longer working for it, and it's time to transform into its new self and carry on with life. But before that can happen, the caterpillar needs to retreat from the world, shed the old, go inward, and spend some time in solitude. When the time is right, and it varies for each individual caterpillar, a butterfly breaks through and emerges, but it takes some time before it can fly. The butterfly has to strengthen its wings before it can take flight.

There is also a mythical creature that uses a similar method of transformation: the phoenix. The myth says that when a phoenix has lived its life and has gleaned all that it can from this world, it bursts into flames and turns to ash. Some time later, a new baby phoenix emerges from the ashes, reborn -- a new being formed from the ashes of its predecessor. The life cycle continues in an ever constant circle, always producing something new but also intrinsically linked to the essence of its origins.

I may be the only one who identifies with this unfailing cycle of transformation, but I doubt it. I believe that there are others out there just like me who occasionally take the time to look inward and reflect, shed the old, and eventually start new. I do not mean to say that I become a recluse by any stretch of the imagination -- only that these times of solitude are necessary for me (and those like me), and that we should not give much attention to those around us who wish to dissuade us from our transformation. It is a beautiful thing, and we should embrace it. It is OK to find your safe place, to retreat and look inward for a little while, and to not come out again until you know you are ready. Do not be afraid to follow your instinct. You will re-emerge as a better version of yourself, and that is never a bad thing.